My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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