I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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