I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
