I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
