During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm always down for nudity.
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