Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
