so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need moral support for this bender
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
