I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
