I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
