What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
