Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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