just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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