I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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