please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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