should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
