He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
