I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
