Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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