I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
