; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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