I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
