So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
