If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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