There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
