dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
