No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
