I showed him my bush... on skype.
even my farts smell like vagina
she peed on how many people?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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