At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
