He had one of those small greek statue penises
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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