As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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