I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
