Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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