that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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