john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
