This house was built for laser tag.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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