You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
