NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
