my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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