I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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