I think im going to throw up on grandma
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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