his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
