YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
