I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
