Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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