just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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