My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
