We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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