hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
