there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
