On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got inside last night via doggy door
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