I should be sponsored by Trojan
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
