I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
