the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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