maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
