The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
