wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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