Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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