loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
