just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
